Chemistry and Acceptance

Have you ever met someone who you just do not like? She is really nice, caring, and fun but you just do not like her. Yes, this happens very often and the truth is that there might be nothing wrong with her or with you, you just don’t like her. It is called chemistry.

When we are in the receiving end (someone does not like us even though we have not done anything to them), we automatically start a journey on what can we do to be liked by this person. We try being nicer, prettier, quieter, louder, you name it! but in reality, nothing will work because the problem is not you nor her. She just doesn’t like you. There is no chemistry. The problem is that when we try for someone to like us we are internalizing the problem and this could end up pretty bad. It will create a believe of “I am not likable”
This is why I believe in the importance of teaching at an early age what chemistry is about.

When my kids come complaining that someone at school is rejecting them for no reason, I first ask what I call the “3 Bs questions” : Have you been nice?, Have you been polite?, Have you been helpful? and if all the answers to these questions are “yes” I go on and say “Maybe he doesn’t like you and it is okay”. Understanding that other people have the right to not like you and have the right to choose their friends is very important. Even more important is to understand that you should not always look within to find the reason why you are not accepted by other people, you should just move on and find your crowd.

Can you imagine how different and even short some of your relationships in the past would’ve been if you were taught this concept at a young age?

Vanessa Alba
Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist
(818)927-1284
tributecps.com