Parenting Tip : What did you learn from it and how will you use it in the future?

Every sad ending, mistake, or disappointment is a learning experience. Some of us learned it the hard way as adults. But wouldn’t it be nice if problem solving was introduced to us at a very young age by our caregivers?

When my young patients and even my own kids are facing struggles I always come up with these two questions. “What did you learn from it?” and “How can you use this in the future?” These are very complex and open-ended questions that could generate multiple positive responses to a let’s say in this case “negative event.” These questions not only will allow the child to learn at a young age that there is always something positive to take from a negative experience but that there is always a second chance to apply the lessons learned. This last one encourages hope.

So basically this problem solving skill is sending this message to the brain: This is a new piece of information, how are you going to use it? and how will it benefit you in the future? Isn’t it fantastic? This will train the child to be a positive person and to not get stuck with the negative experience. Avoiding learning a behavior, hopelessness, or feeling stuck, which are SOME of the known symptoms of depression.

So when your child is facing a problem, validate him/her feelings, help him/her feel better, and challenge him/her with these questions.

Vanessa Alba
Tributecps.com
(818)927-1284
Licensed Marriage and family Therapist